At 7:08 PM on
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Yesterday. A whole day of to-and-fro's, ending the night with me having the classic case of diarhoea. I was discussing Science when I was hit by this nightmare of the Bowl. I have to thank Gill for taking care of me- buying me a bottle of mineral water and the lozenges ( they made my throat worst, though. Haha). And of course EK- who sent me home right to my doorstep. I was really light-headed by then. Thanks everyone. ;) [No thanks to the 4D auntie who charged me $6.20 for photocopying some notes- 20cents per page!]
Morning After. I woke up really early and headed to Tampines for the post-mortem conference. Bleahs. Had a few hours of discussion and the conclusion is, we are setting up our own team. I know this is going to be a really difficult process, especially recruitment of truly serious players. But heck, I am excited anyway. Details in the process. =)
Not sleeping today. Wish me luck. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 9:38 AM on
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Frust. I feel like thrashing some people yesterday. I cannot fathom how people can actually be so selfish, and refuse to work as a team. Well, what goes around comes around. Their refusal to network is their loss. But it's affecting my performance, which is why I just want to slaughter the human bugs.
New day. New stress. People to meet. I was awoken by a friend- I needed the morning call. And then, as usual, I fell asleep again. Mom called to give a list of instructions. Argh. I lost the desire to sleep after that. Bored, I logged onto the PC and blogged as I paint my toenails simultaneously. I even put on a mask just to humor myself. Yes, yes... things have gone that bad for me.
Although I hate you, only you have the magic technique. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 3:09 PM on
Friday, February 25, 2005
Time spent going to there : 20 minutes
Time listening to real crap: 45 minutes
Time coming back to schl : 20 minutes
Total time wasted: 85 minutes = 1 hour 25 minutes = 5100 seconds
Opportunity Cost*:
1) I can dig my nose clean
2) I can paint my nails
3) I can eat fruits
4) I can listen to my songs
5) I can do nothing (which is practically impossible because even Zen masters have not been able to master the Art of doing nothing)
I dont understand why the lecturer cant just come over to our school. 70 plus student trooped down to AMK to listen to a 45 minute lecture, in a room fit only for 4 elephants. I am unenlightened. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 9:02 AM on
Bored. I feel like just fast forwarding the day to the last period of the day- Field Prac and hand in my assignments. After that, I just want to leave for Tee and training. The more moving parts of the day. I don't really give a damn about the rest of it. There is supposedly a field trip to some FSC in AMK at 11am later on. Really. I don't see how the trip is going to be enlightening at all. Yeah, okay, they say preconceived notions come true. But who gives a shit. This so-called "trip" is highly un-amusing anyway.
Survivors. Sometimes, you need not go through huge disasters to know it feels like to have your very existence threatenened. I think there is something huge coming our way. I woke up this morning before I really woke up. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 11:46 PM on
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Hope. Hope isn't the hope you think it is. It is the name given to the bouquet of flowers that someone sent to me. I was hurting very badly, still am hurting very badly but the hurt was bolstered just a tiny bit because someone sent me flowers. But it was enough. When I received it, the hurt in my heart shifted places. I am human still. Why is it so moving, you ask? Because it is my favouritest flower in the whole world. That nobody knew about. Nobody. It was a well-kept secret to myself. I dont know why I actually told this person. And within an hour, I received it. And the most amazing thing about it is..... the someone is just.. a friend. But it was enough.
*********************
Thank you. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 7:36 PM on
Piang Piang. The doctors at Sengkang Polyclinic are either too trusting or plain stupid. I was so shadowed last night and this morning, going to school would probably make me turn madder. Thus, I took my first MC of the semester. Other than telling Doctor Quack the real pain, I also told him I havent been able to sleep for a week. There I go. Sleeping pills on the slab. Great! Whee~~ =) By the way the new polyclinic is cool. Really fast. Compared to the 3-4hr torture in Hougang Poly.
*****************
Back to reality's reality. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 6:03 PM on
Out of bed. When I woke up this morning, the first thing that came to my head was, "Fuck! I'm still alive." Hoping against hope that some angel will come to collect my soul didnt come true. Haha. Lame, Anna.
Night Sours. The rest of the night after the day with Zuran ended was simply black history. Like water forcing its way through a dam and finally breaking it, painful memories did the same to me. Werent memories suppose to fade away in Time? I became shattered again and again at the memories.. my helplessness... my weakness.. my inability to fight back... that I evolved into this complete maniac. I have to apologise to my peeps who became worried, especially Hoonie and the rest. I hope they understand though. I cannot handle questions at all. Because answers are still questions in themselves.
Ah well. This probably has the biggest impact on me ever since.... gosh, I cant even remember anything that can compare to this. But oh well.. I am already starting to rebuild this defense system made out of titanium around me. It covers an area of 200 kilometres radius. On the walls are steel pikes that can cut deep even at the slightest intrusion. Walking through the doors require a password, without which one isnt granted access. Trespassers will be shot down without mercy or question. Family and friends need not worry because they are automatically exclusive members of the club.
************************************ Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 11:43 PM on
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Me. I shall blog about whatever I want because people don't read. At words, people's eyes just glaze. I read my own writing, just to humor myself. Anyway, I watched Constantine yesterday. Finally! After field practicum, I met up with Zuran. After much whining, he was the only one who offered to use his off day to watch Constantine with me. Yeah, so call me a Whiner. Like I care.
Constantine. Keanu Reeves- the man finally showed that his face can come alive, without me having to analyse his body language for signs of emotion. Out of 10, I give 8 for ratings. Granted, my mind worked to comprehend certain issues in the movie. But I love the actions. So dramatic. And fantastical. Angels. Demons. Keanu Reeves. Keanu... Reeves... oops.
Streak. I played pool with Zuran for 2 hours. I cannot believe how very simple adjustments to my body and hand positions can score the most unlikely balls in. How not to. The Guru is with me. But then, not his lucky day, I guess. Despite my sucky skills, I won 80% of the games. Woo.
Then we went to HMV. We spent like nearly one hour plus in there, man! He finally bought a Sublime CD. I was walking around, memories flooding in like nobody's business. Then, it was home.
The rest of the night went bad. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 11:59 PM on
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Of them. Ever since that day... I have lost a sense of identity. I have forgotten what it is like to be me. The strong me. The me who has gone through more storms than is necessary. The me who can bounce back much faster from any adversity than you can blink your eye. It is like after going through a process of self-discovery, now I have to readjust my self all over again. To regain my sight on my goals, being more determined than ever to run to my destiny with more vigor and courage. And this is a tiring process. I spent 6 months rebuilding a metallic wall around me, to defend me, to protect what is left of me. And now it's burnt down to ashes in a matter of a day. And if what is left of me is already now part of the winds and the skies, what other rebuilding is there for me to do? In the day, images run through my mind. Each one more painful than the next, and with every realization, I feel more fucked up than ever.
Why is it that... the angels walking around this earth gets a fucked up life... and the devils reign? Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 11:52 PM on
Monday, February 21, 2005
I need to say this la. When I was in the NEL on the way home, there is this quote by.. get this.. Mariah Carey.. which goes something like this...
"You have to find your inner strength and tell yourself... I am proud of myself. This is who I am."
My first thought was.. so, okay.. if you are proud of yourself, your boobs won't grow unnaturally that way. And then I thought... maybe she said that before she had her boobs enlarged. Before she realised that she has to change to suit other's visual desires. Of men, obviously.
*******************
Today wasn't a fantastic day. Although towards the end of the day, I am touched by the kindness of some people. It bolstered my pain just a tiny bit. But yeah. Still hurting. When I got to school, my mood from bad went down to shit. I already broke down in the crowded bus before reaching school.
I turned to retail therapy to soothe my obviously torned apart nerves. I went downtown after Tee, and I walked right through town, without even looking at anything and end up at.. where else.. PS. I sat down in Pizza Hut. By then I was damn hungry, but too dejected to even eat. Everyone looked at me as if it was such a curse to eat by myself. I ordered a Chicken Ole. Some baked rice thing. I almost threw up. It should have been Mushroom Ole considering the piles of mushroom they put on it. And as I was picking at the food, Nurul came over. She talked to me about FP, and offered to exchange my food for me. That was sweet, right? And then the manager came over, and asked me if the food was okay for me. Obviously I said no, the mushrooms give me headache. (Well, I do have allergy to mushrooms and seafood) She offered to change my food for something I liked. So, I took spaghetti. No extra charge. And then another waitress saw that my drink was 3/4 empty.. she offered to top up for me for no extra charge either. I guessed by then I looked like a complete fuck*. I knew my hair was messy and my eyes were teary.
Images of you run across my mind the whole day.
The whole night.
And they are no longer pleasant.
They killed what was left of me.
And I am barely surviving, with whatever little veins that I managed to cling onto. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 2:15 PM on
I hate you.
I hate me.
I hate you.
I hate me.
I hate you.
I hate me.
I hate you.
I hate me.
I hate myself. I betrayed myself far too much. And now I am hurting very badly. Fantasy became reality and reality turned into a nightmare no girl should ever go through. Not even once. But as usual, tragedies and crises have an unusually strong attraction to me. As usual, I get through them, leaving every scene full of wisdom and bitterness. But this one... I don't think I can recover from it.This is not me in self-denial. Like how I said I would never get over Zul, but I eventually did. Heck, the 3 years of hell I had with the bugger cannot even compare to this sia. This is far far worst. Because this is about me. And how I betrayed myself beyond imagination. There is nothing worst than the inability to look at yourself in the mirror, without wishing you can kill away that reflection. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 1:00 AM on
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Back. Okie. I am in this completely talkative mode today. So here, I am. I might be back again. I might not.
Unaware. Hehe. I am surprised that my counting down came to a halt because... it is here already! Today, the day. In my hands. Arh. Yes. Yes. Yes. All to myself. Woohoo!
Chingay. I love festivals. I love lights. I love colors. But I get a little dizzy when I am trapped in throngs of bodies. At the corner of my eyes, I only see people moving back and forth.
Muscles. I think my arms are going to drop. Carrying a box, a book, and two heavy bags on my own was a major feat! Especially when I travelled here and there in town. Speaking of which, I am officially fatigued. I reached home at 3am last night and slept all the way up til 12 noon. I could hear people talking to me in the morning but I could not open my eyes at all. LOL. 12 noon was considered late for me to kickstart my agenda for the day. My brain was still sleeping when I left the house at 1pm, to such an extent that I actually backtracked home thrice because I kept forgetting to bring certain materials. Bah.
Sidewalker. Finally, I picked up my book at the library - Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein. If you flip through the pages, it may seem like a childish book of poems. But it is damn creative and imaginative on the poet's part. It is not as profound as those va va voom poets out there that use analogies beyond the common understanding, BUT it is amazing how the poet takes his perspectives of issues. For instance, turning into a TV from watching too much television, or writing a poem from a lion's mouth. Simple yet unique and funny. =) My favourite is the poem called Hug-O-War.
I will not play at tug-owar
I'd rather play at hug-o-war
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug
Where everyone kisses
And everyone grins
And everyone cuddles
And everyone wins.
Sweet la.
And you. I miss you. I really do. To be with you is to go against all odds. I tried not to care about you.. but strangely.. I still do. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 11:59 PM on
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Life suddenly has reached that stage where I have to thread my footsteps slowly because every reckless move I make will leave a permanent scar on my Life.
Therefore, it is high time that this blog takes its break, for I have to spend some time with myself, constructing strategies. Call it war, call it love. You name it and I will say it is all wrong.
I will come back. I am after all, a survivalist. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 8:15 PM on
You. The harder I try to forget you, the faster you come to my mind. At the moment, I am summoning all my energy to restrain myself from sending you an sms. My fingers are just so itchy and my mind is giving me 1001 reasons to sms you. And they are still itchy. But I refuse to give in. To treat you like a stray stranger who happens to walk by my Life is my aim now, because to have you would be against all odds.
I almost wished I had never found you. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 6:04 PM on
Eddy & Janice. Okay, this does not refer to you, Ed. But rather, the Eddy on 98.7Fm's commercials. Basically, the girl he asked out did not turn up for the date. When I heard it, I felt a little sad for him. Poor boy.
Weather. It's too hot. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. I wish it is still the whole rainy season. I loved those days. Everyday was oh so comfortable. And I certainly don't mind getting wet. LOL.
And you. I just cannot stop thinking of you. Whenever I close my eyes, I see that Kodak moment of you and me. When I think of the seemingly flowy conversations between us, I stifle a giggle to myself. The unsettling feeling in my heart is heavy but comfortable. But patience is the only way out of this. That's what you taught me to be, too. And maybe someday, it will lead me straight to you. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 12:27 AM on
Memory lapses. Despite the many ways I have tried to take care of my health, I still tend to forget things. Am I dying already? I get confused as to who said what, and when and why. Goodness. Argh. I think there are just too many things on my mind. Not only there are like 83472389473 work to be done, 17th Feb is my dad's birthday.. thus on top of all the work, I need to squeeze shopping in! Bah.
The skipper. I didnt go for my only lecture for the day, to finish up some work. I was so disturbed by the dynamics of the house, I packed my bags and materials and went over to a quiet place in town to do my work. I was freezing, my teeth were chattering, having to get used to the day, evening and night coldness.
You. Thank you. =)
13 more days to go!!! Come, quicker, please. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 11:09 PM on
Monday, February 14, 2005
You. After the IT class was over, I headed to Ms Stress' place. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely adore her. Her intelligence is mind-blowing. Really. Being in her presence at times can feel insulting. Well, almost all the time. And such awe is due to her ability to talk to you on your level and at the same time, retained her childishness. LoL. Tee, I love ya.
Confuse. Today's a rather eventful day. I ran into a classmate at Lido. Oh, I was heading towards Far East Plaza to get a gift. Eventually, I decided on purchasing a trucker cap. Amazingly I became stressed over choosing one. I stood there, making mental analyses, eventually called some people for opinions. Maybe the stress was also attributed to the sea of flowers and balloons that I had to swim through. LOL.
Me. I met my grandfather today. He's my grandfather's brother and I was really so happy to meet him. I chatted with him under this shady old tree. He is probably one of the rarest people I can run into. And he's the best gentleman around. =) I have great memories of him.
I met people I wish to meet for some time today. I met people who had great impacts on my life today. Maybe I wasnt drowning in flowers. But I found immortality. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 3:12 PM on
I. Because I don't celebrate V-day, I shall call 14th February the Love Day.. love between friends.. love between family members.. love between significant others.. love between an owner and his pet... love... neighbourly love... just love... love... love... love, like, crush. infatuation.. whatever you call it.
Love. Maybe on this day I am not doing anything Va-Va-VooOoMmMmm.. but still, I respect it. I enjoy watching people's faces (especially the girls) light up when they receive flowers or gifts, etc. Yeah, people argue that everyday can be Love Day. But so can everyday be Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc... but I guess people just love (there's the word again!) having an occasion to look forward to. People like noting down that special occasion. That adrenaline rush. That sugar rush.. whatever you call it. The high of it all.
You. At the moment.. I am rotting in my pc lab. Because the test was fairly simple and I finished first. Since 3pm is too early to rush off for Tee. So I am rotting. Rot rot rot... And I miss you...
15... 15... 15... hey, that's my index number! So today's my day as well! Hehe! =X Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 9:51 AM on
Hey. Look! Time flies fast uh. It was 20 days just about 5 days ago and now, 15 more days. Close to 2 weeks now. [Such a long statement for such a simple idea] Bah. Hahaha.
I am minutes away from taking my IT test. Photoshop. Bah. Bah. Bah.
Be back to blog again later. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 11:34 PM on
Sunday, February 13, 2005
I suddenly felt this overwhelming respect for video directors. LOL. For a mere 3 minute video, my group spent nearly 2 hours? By the time it was over, I was frustrated, hot, bothered and tired. But it was funny, and the dog shit was puke-able. I was Ben. *Skip2* After the video was over, me and Har headed to Adam Road Food Centre to chow down on their nasi lemak. We were so damn hungry. Mentally exhausted? Yeah.
And you... don't you run away. The distance between us is already enough.
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 1:45 AM on
Evening madness. LoL. I think I got really stressed and bored by the stress that I was facing that I actually packed my stuff and headed to JB. I thought of checking out some stuffs there as I try to unwind. Hrm. Okay, the trip into JB was fine, except that I waited half an hour for the bus. The trip back sucked. I spent 2 hours plus waiting and standing. At first, for the first 30 minutes, I stood in the line calmly. As time passed by, I got very agitated that I started singing. Haha. And then, there was a jam while I was in the bus. Whoopee doo. Eventually, I took a cab home. Reached home only close to midnight. Only 50% of the shops were opened. So I walked and walked, hoping to spy some gifts for this Monday. Haha. But to NO avail.
I see you! Haha. People-watching was a habit that I indulged in when I get too bored of daydreaming or waiting. LOL. It was a fruitful habit today. I saw a brother lying on his brother's shoulders. (Awww.) I saw a guy who smacked his hands together as he thought through some issue in his head. (Ermmm.) That was funny. He didnt realise he was slapping his hands together. But I saw it. Hehehe. I saw a whoooopppeee-sexy-mama black-red sports bike! I even took down the number plate. LOL. I felt like stealing it right under the owner's nose, man! Argh! Argh! I wish I can ride, man! I need a bike to ride ride ride... I need a licence to even ride ride ride... LOL. *smacks*
Officially 16 more days. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 2:25 PM on
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Say. Morning was... urgh. Suddenly I felt age is really catching up on me or something. LOL. When I woke up, I felt as though there was this huge pile of metal bars on me. I admit it's my fault. But yeah. The heart has moved, and now the rest of the body is, as well. IPPT in May. Damn Damn Damn.
Scarred. Belle was.... urgh. I almost wished that the ground below me would just open and swallow me up whole. Like in any relationship, I cannot tolerate the lack of compromise. Really. I think this is how my patience is nurtured. The constant battle between my anger/frustration and the need to remain calm and rational with the latter being the constant winner.
17 more days.
Time flies slowly when you need something quick huh. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 11:47 PM on
Friday, February 11, 2005
Training. I got home at 11pm. Shagged. Tired. Dead. You name it. I am that. BUT. It was fun. Exhilirating. Exciting. Adrenaline rush over and over. Maybe my exhaustion is due to the fact that Fridays are really long days for me. School for a major portion of the day, tete-a-tete with Tee, then training. It ended at 10pm. I made new friends, had some good laughs. I also met those who probably live to stay fit. There was this girl who coached netball twice a week, hockeys on weekends, and she still asked her buddy to go jogging after our training! Damn man. She's an inspiration sia.
You. Thank you. I have made the decision to remain the stubborn bystander. So what if it eludes me? Elude me lar. If you are meant to be bought, you would still be part of my wardrobe. But thank you anyway. Your very precence in my Life makes me realise that... hey.. I am starting to take over my Life.. Being on autopilot for the past few months have numbed my soul. And it started with your smile melting part of the icicles around my heart.
So thank you.
18 more days.
PS : If there are spelling errors all over the entry, pardon me please. I am not exactly fully conscious as I typed it. =) *winks* Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 10:30 AM on
Wheee! Although by right, I should be shuddering under the comfort of my blankets, I am not. Instead I am smiling. Smiling. And just... smiling. Ok, suf. No re-enactment of Cik Leh here. LOL. Haha. I am actually still very much upset. But then again, the usual fighter slash survivalist side of me (some say egoistic, too) simply refuse to see me lying on the ground, dead again. So, here I am, with my face turned towards the Sun. Yesterday's sorrows are now like the cold mist that will disappear with the heat of the sun's rays. I hope.
18 days to go. That should very much keep my mind occupied enough. =) Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 1:02 AM on
I skip jump and hop. At times, you do not listen to others. You listen to yourself. At times, you do not listen to yourself, you listen to the one who holds the answers that you need. It takes a whole load of courage to listen, for the answers you seek may not be what you hope they are.
Then. I really am glad that I asked. That I listened. And I got the answers I needed. Staring at reality seeping in slowly into my brain cells was excruciating. As if my heart knew what it was facing, it started to squeeze tightly.
Good gracious, Im crying.
My only hope is for the next 18 days to come faster.
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 8:18 PM on
Thursday, February 10, 2005
English. Yeah okay. My English sucks. I cannot type proper sentences for real. My analogies are stupid and they never make sense to anyone else out there except me. I derive them from the observations that I make of the different lives I see out there.
You. Here's another stupid analogy. When I think about you today, I smiled. You are like that Adidas jacket I really wanted but I could never find because it is not on sale anymore. Something rare. And pretty. And comfortable. Something I feel I can always connect to. Something I could just reach out for but........ never own.
Alrite, sunshine, buck up. Turn your face to the Sun for all the shadows will fall behind you. The clouds passed by to give me shade and soon, I will be all bright and shiny again.
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 5:51 PM on
Tertiary. Whatever. Where do you have to be to be deemed as being educated? Is a person who goes to university much more educated than one who goes only to a local polytechnic? I don't understand.
In the dictionary, education has 5 meanings :
1) The act or process of educating or being educated.
2) The knowledge or skill obtained or developed by a learning process.
3) A program of instruction of a specified kind or level: driver education; a college education.
4) The field of study that is concerned with the pedagogy of teaching and learning.
5) An instructive or enlightening experience: Her work in the inner city was a real education.
Bah. I remember when I went to my mom's friend's house. She was talking to me and my brother. She asked me where I am studying. I said NP. She asked my brother. Naturally, he told her he is waiting for his A level results. She gave him a thumbs up and was grinning from ear to ear. Whoa. I tell you. My heart felt so pained. If going to a poly was so fucking damn bad, then I might as well quit school and sell claypots or tissue paper, right? No wonder, with such lack of support from the society for the other deemed normally educated people, people are always demoralised. And this incident repeats itself over and over in other different variations. The hurt remain the same.
When I get somewhere better, I will turn around and laugh into the faces of such people.
KNN.
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 10:38 AM on
Prescription. I need my daily dose of laughter, wit, smiles, love and warmth of a good company. Although my good company is far away at the moment, I still receive my other daily doses in good amounts. When I woke up, goodness! I felt so drugged. Another public holiday going... and soon *gone*. Uh oh. How I wish I can hold on to Time's tail.
You on me. Like any good upbeat music, you surround me with energy and my body can't seem to be able to stop moving to the sound. If a DJ was spinning you, I would ask him to turn up the volume for me.
[[19 more days..]]
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 2:04 AM on
Just. Wanna say thanks to 3 people... hafiz, farv and especially aerfi. Although they dont know I am putting their names on my blog, but then again, yar, ok. Bleahx. I gained invaluable advices from them which I may or may not put to use but at least they are still food for thought. Thanks, peeps. (Yeah I am not making sense* here)
[[20 more days]]
*2.07am and I am still awake thinking of .. you! How sappy can I get?! Ewww. Erk. Bleahx.
And to you..
If I can only let you know
I would give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I won't do.
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 10:30 PM on
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
I was the Queen. I reigned over my pretty castle that I built on the cosy and comforting clouds. And then you come along and brought me back down to the ground. I hate you for that. I prefer living in a world where I am invincible and nothing hurts me, than to feel the pain poking me in the chest.
Maybe I should just go on living as Queen, and that you are just a bug straying across my once carefully-guarded land. I rather stay dead and/or deluded living a fantastical Life than to have reality smacking my ass over and over again.
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 6:00 PM on
I am feeling utterly
miserable.
Leave me be.
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 10:04 AM on
Not the bird. I am awake at a time when I should still be sleeping. It is the holidays and I have to make it look like it is the holidays. Haha. But I felt so disturbed that I cannot help but to get out of bed and do a little typing in here.
Queasy. When I woke up, I was feeling very unsettled and oddly.. raw. It was a very queasy feeling. The feeling of a dried wound that has been peeled. Its rawness. The complete vulnerability to everything around it. That the flesh within is fresh but fragile. I felt every single undoing of it.
Last entry. Last night, I mentioned that my heart made a tiny jerky movement. I felt that throughout the night, it was trying its best to function fully, shedding the icicles around it. Part of the icicles are still there. So is the cold mist that accompanies them. However, what was exposed leaves with this completely strange feeling. This weakness.
You made me humble when I wouldn't bow.
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 10:41 PM on
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
"I hope this is a nightmare. I wish I am still on my bed sleeping. That you are here with me is just a dream."
[close my eyes]
[open my eyes]
"Oh no, you are still here."
[you laugh]
You. I don't know much about you. All I know that though the time spent was short, you made me laugh. I even forgot I could laugh like that. You made me smile. For a split second, what was dead made a tiny jerky movement, which was my heart. It may be a small move, but it was something I could not have done on my own.
You. You were with me when the phantom called. You put to rest what I could not. Twice.But then again, I am not going to even start walking, for I fear tripping. I fear I might even fall eventually. Fall hard.. on my knees. But the memory will remain. I am glad I am assured that I am still human. For a long while, I had forgotten how to breathe.
Now that you are gone...
[close eyes]
[open eyes]
[close eyes]
[breathes deeply and open eyes]
Why aren't you here?
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 5:52 PM on
Stolen. As I was walking towards Little India from Bugis Village, I actually had a butt cramp. That was one of the weirdest things to happen to me. =s Today was supposed to be a free willy day.. but I had to go to school for a test that only lasted a good 20 minutes. It was a conversation test. The topic that my group received was Things/Traits I cannot tolerate in people. I was a little amused that the lecturer actually used the word "things". Hrmmm... Anyway, the feedback was generally well except for the fact that I talk a bit too much? Haha. My resolution is now to shut up. LOL. Yeah right.
Quote :: What goes around comes around ::
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 9:21 PM on
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Sleep. I had a pretty long day today. A mixture of morning madness, Sunday project routine and of course, shopping. Imagine feeling overwhelmed with too much information from books. The same feeling overwhelmed me and my friends when we were at Bugis Village. There was a new area there, and thus, the place seemed bigger. Project discussion was fruitful and meaningful. Esplanade did not provide much entertainment since there was no free Lose My Breath.
You. I am glad to say I had once found true love. Or rather, I had once loved someone truly. I know what it means and what it involves, although I did not win the game in the end. It was one of my biggest investments, and like all other investments, it comes with a risk. It hurt but it was not that big a loss since the lessons I learnt were invaluable. A friend told me I look happier these days. Indeed I am. I rediscovered myself and still am in the process of rediscovery. I do not disregard love, but neither am I seeking it.
Out To Milk.
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 5:32 PM on
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Colors. I was at SK interchange, in the line to board bus 87. In front of me were these 4 prepubescents trying to catch the attention of the people at the interchange. I really feel they were trying to show off their coolness. There was a super thin girl and three boys. One of the boys, wearing a pink Polo T, was showing off his lamer-than-lame kungfu moves. (laughs out loud) And the best part was that the moves were all wrong and this boy even tried attacking the girl by knocking her head! She looked kind of embarassed- to which I completely understood. Funnily, her boyfriend in the black polo T just looked on, laughing! Erk. =S
Be Back Soon Enough.
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 12:13 PM on
New Addiction. I am amused by bag and shoe designs these days. The different ways that designers.. (finally!).. create bags. And slippers that allow you to look casual, relaxed but in style at the same time. I don't know why. Heheh. Then again, these two have always been in my growing collections. But my strangest addiction, other than a certain preoccupation with red, brown, black and gold, at the moment is.... m-i-l-k! Those who really know me will know I am anti-milk. Now, I cannot live without it! Strangeness. =S I love milk. Milk me. Lol.
The List. Right. Now back to my List of Things to Do Today.
Quote :: "A man is not where he lives, but where he loves." ::
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 7:22 PM on
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Primary. Advanced Speech Training is giving me stress. All the different rules as to where to place the stressors correctly in words is giving me stress. I do not really see the importance as to why I should place my stress correctly anyway. I mean, if I say the word "stupid" as 'stupid or stu'pid.. what difference does it make? Stupid is stupid. Lol. Received my test paper earlier.. A+. Hehehe. =p So, if I screw up the next test, it wont be too bad.
Secondary. I am preparing myself for the next series of the Phantom Caller Attack (PCA). The moment he calls, I am going to call M1. It is unflattering to disturb my well-needed sleep!
Quote :: Turn your face to the Sun and the shadows will fall behind you ::
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 7:24 PM on
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Home. Today was nerve-wrecking. Literally, since I earned a huge migraine towards the evening. Firstly, I was so worried about my attachment assessment that I was jostled awake by my worries at about 4am. My worries however were rather unfounded since I did fine for the assessment, as has been said by my mentor. And my body started breaking down after that. I fell asleep in any transportation I took. The trains, the buses~.
999. Yesterday was like the celebration of phantom calls. But it was scarier. If last time, the person just listen out for my hello before putting down the phone, this time, he waited. I said hello over and over again before putting down the phone. The irky part was that he called at midnight, and the calls were only about 5 minutes apart from one another!!! At the 12.25am's call, I picked it up and told the person that if he is not going to say anything, then keep his fingers to himself before I call the police. That must have shut the guy up. Great.
Living. I cannot even think about tomorrow at the moment. The fact that today is over fills my soul with complete peace, that I will take tomorrow as tomorrow comes. I shall go take a nice long bath now.. the complete works.. =)Be Right Back.
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 10:01 PM on
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Tell me. I am trying to find the perfect solution to stay awake through the night while doing my work. I do not want to be dependent on Redbull, Livita and whatnots. Very unhealthy. And coffee makes me fall asleep. Nowadays I psycho myself into believing that it is not time to sleep and that I still must do more work. That is a very challenging task. *grim*
Animals galore. It was fun. Zoo trip was fun. I saw three couples mating today. I went through some tribal area where there are huge butterflies. And it ended with me chowing down Ben & Jerrys strawberry ice cream!! Yummy!!! =)
Medicine. I spent nearly 200 bucks on my medicine. Broke!! No more shopping!! =( Ok ok.. last trip to Ikea.
Too lazy to quote.*
Okie okie.. I will..
Here goes...
Anna Louis Armstrong once said...
"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be."
I agree with the quote.
It is really hard to find that one ordinary person whose presence has an extraordinary effect on you.
K.. bad color combo. *bleahs*
Why am I rambling???!!!
-end-
Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
