At 5:21 PM on
Friday, July 29, 2005
And this is a happy entry
My past entries are too wired with anger. *wraps them up like crushed paper and throw them away*. Yeah. I am writing this because there are some hopes and I foresee some sunnier days. Note I say some, because I have learnt that you cannot always throw yourself completely into something. Always always remember that pinch of salt. So I said my days are going to be sunny beginning from tomorrow- THE SATURDAY! oh God, let it be good. let it be good. chant everyone, chant with me... oh God let it be GOOOD! anyway, field practicum leaves me exhausted man, plus the politics- argh.. and if you know what it entails.. it is like damn, does it have to be THAT way!?
and this entry is short because I am leaving the extra space for them happy vibes. (: Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 5:35 PM on
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Today I realise there are people in my Life who are just meant to stay, and there are those who are meant to come and go, those who come, go and then come back again. I seem to have put no will on my own stand. Especially to those who come, go and come back again. These are the kind of people who really make me sick. To the core. What is the value of friendships nowadays? What is it measured by? There are people whose friendships require you to only play to their own rules and when you start asserting yours, which is only natural anyway, they become stiff like very badly erected dicks. And then they blame the ruination of the friendships on you, saying you have changed and that made them change too. How easy people blame others without reflecting upon themselves first, never thinking if they actually fulfill the least requirements of being a friend. These days, everyday, my heart breaks. Every single freaking day. My. heart. breaks. Bang Bang! Remember that superbly irritating friend I had? Because of emotional me, I felt it was too heartless to ask him to scram. So I let him stay. And now, he also turns into some farker I never thought he could be. I should have expected it. Wait, I expected it, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. See, it does not pay to be kind.
And guess what. my sweet buddy thinks my birthday is today. =_= Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 11:23 AM on
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Been thinking about you
and there's no rest
Should I still love you
still see you in bed
But what do you care
when I'm not there
when the other (girls)
are far far better..
Past 2 weeks have been completely farked up! Sorry to be so vulgar, but yeah.. over these two weeks, there are some times that I feel my hand has lost its grips on Life. Even my birthday passed unknowingly.. and my Saturday plans got dashed because I fell sick. It is like someone stashed sandpapers down my throat and present me with a gift of the flu. Yay. I was sneezing away like crazy the whole day yesterday. So the whole night, I kept drinking plain water. And oddly, my temperature escalated instead.. now I have fever as well. Yippee Dee Doo Dah! Wow, I have never been this sick in a long time. Anyway, my week better be better. Wait, usually I always hope that my weeks are good, but they usually fark themselves up all over e place. And people been telling me to cheer up. Yeah, that's why you still see me smiling and laughing right? Those are just displayed emotions. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 4:16 AM on
Thursday, July 14, 2005
I have never been one to ignore someone's calls outrightly. But I think what I am doing is going to save you and me. Yeah, maybe you will get all the wrong ideas. Maybe you won't. Depends on how much you trust me. But in fact, you force me to do this through your endless confusing behaviours. You love me, I know. You still miss me, I know. You crave affection, I know. But when you get affection, you run away. You get scared. And while I conquer my own fears, I have no time to think about yours. And you know how tired I am already, putting up with issues I don't deserve to be facing at the moment. One day, your calls will stop. And that is when I know, we are both safe. But just so you know, it really hurts me not to be able to pick up that call, but if it saves us, I guess it is a worthy sacrifice. You and I both know this is not easy because it had been beautiful. Innocent yet wild, still yet spinning, slow yet passionate. Like flying while still being on the ground, an experience that Time surely cannot marr.
Take a look at me now
there's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memories of your face Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 9:00 PM on
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
i know that you are trying so hard not to hurt me. because you are aware of the shit that i went through and is going through. i must say that it is thoughtful of you. not many would really give a damn. but then again, in your effort not to hurt me, it disappointed me instead. true enough, bouncing back is almost like a full-time career to me. but it gets tiring, i swear. i don't want to grow stronger sometimes. because with every armour of protection lies a layer of wariness. amazing how you tried to laugh the situation off, hoping that it would make my sadness die away, but for some reason, it felt insultingly humiliating instead. and amusing how you appear to be unaffected when your little actions suggest otherwise. in your own fears and confusion, you pull me along with you. and how dare you leave me all these reminders. in my solitude, they come creeping into my subconscious and invade my thoughts by surprise. i am beginning to hate them. and yet i crave them. the real-ness that they provide me with, comes in no ready package. the shock that engulfed me made me fall sick literally. how again, my calculations missed their target. i am confused.. what do i do with you now? Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 9:13 PM on
Sunday, July 10, 2005
{*} Today is the emotional slash tear playlist day. I have no idea either as to why, but as I spin one sad song after another, I get inspired to download more of them. It was so sad that my sister actually screamed, "Stop playing sad songs already!" Gosh, maybe the mood has gotten to her too. hehe. anyway, thank goodness i did not leave the house because soon after i logged off from my conversation with eddy, i actually developed a fever, in addition to the coughing and sneezing that had happily set in since the break of dawn. i knew i was going to fall sick since 4 days ago. i guess today is the explosion of the germ community within me la. You happy now, you stupid germs!?! Around noon my brains actually started floating. I was awake, but i was not awake. That kind of thing? Okay, never mind. I am so hungry I can eat this blog.
okay. back to reading the book of my dreams. *all sarcasm intended. heee heee. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 4:21 AM on
I downloaded all Ricky Martin's songs today. hehe. I don't know why also lar, just kinda miss his butt beat. hehe. but hey his songs are really very the wake-up-with-a-nice-jiggle kinda songs and makes you think of pretty pretty girls dancing around him la. une dos tres! hehe. okay, okay, what day is this again?! sunday? already! really!!! argh. you mean there are actually almost only 2 weeks to my birthday?? oh noooooooooooooooooo~ really, if nothing good takes place within the next 7 days, i refuse to go out on my birthday at all.
hey i had this strange dream.. i dreamt that someone in my neighbourhood was murdered. i don't know who the person was lar, i only chanced upon this revelation when i was jogging around the estate, and i saw the policemen dragging out a body from the rubbish chute. the body by then was already placed in a black plastic bag. okay.. that is DEATH. true. and then.. later on in the dream, i was at some guardian like thing- and apparently, i had bought a pregnancy test kit and i used it before paying for it. and the cashier was like asking me, "so what is the result?" only then the kit started to show positive! so i am pregnant! okay, that is Life. scary dream! what does this mean sia! Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 11:28 PM on
Saturday, July 09, 2005
today is kind of weird. after a very terrible yesterday, i woke up with this heart of near-steel, (which is still prone to bleeding tears.) i woke up with eyes prettier than a panda's ( at least, i had mascara on), and my skirt was so high up it was so indecent. bellie was first on the menu- i seriously delayed this part because i knew, it will just another version of the same heart attack i get on friday evening. afternoon to part-evening was spent at the so-called Orchard of the East- Tampines (hip hip hip hurrah!) with Eddy. Sometimes, shopping there can be half-enough, but of course that was not really on the agenda now. a few changes, i noted. no wonder i see youngsters dont really have much qualms hanging out there. and then, it was night of blessings, and competition (*winks). and i actually felt some guards against the huge pain i am going through. like there is this net between me and the pain.. thanks to those who are involved in my day..
Now.... PUMP IT!!!! Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 8:26 PM on
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
1) Ben & Jerry's Berry N'Ice 1 litre tub
2) Ben & Jerry's Berry N'Ice 1 litre tub
3) Ben & Jerry's Berry N'Ice 1 litre tub
(see my priority.. heeee)
4) a big basket of strawberries
5) s-h-o-p-p-i-n-g
6) SHOPPING
7) shooppppingggggggggg
8)MAJOR RETAIL THERAPY SESSION
9) BROWNIES!!!!
10) Fantastic Four
k, enuff whining. Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
At 11:41 PM on
Saturday, July 02, 2005
[Happy Tree Friends]
Okay. For those who have not actually watched a single episode of this cartoon, shut up your Eeeess AAssss OOssss and go watch first ok. The first 30 plus episodes are not that bad actually. If you can watch action movies, murder stories, CSI.. come on, this is like that- only it is in a cartoon version. But their two newest episodes.. I have to agree, it goes beyond gruesome.. I actually covered my eyes. One of them shows a cartoon character who was chopping down a tree. The tree trunk was kinda thick and he managed to fell it. Then the tree trunk started to fall, and stopped two inches from him. He heaved a sigh of relief until he realised that the tree did not fall on his face because it was on one of his legs. He grabbed his axe, wanting to rescue himself or sth, but could not do so. So he took out a spoon and started amputating his leg. He spent the entire day and night to do so.. until he realised he had amputated the free leg instead of the trapped one. *giddy.
[Happy Pretenders]
I have always always been a secretive person. Which may seem ironic considering how noisy and silly I can get at times. And when I meant to shut up, I really will. I truly appreciate those who know I am going through some really shitty times and wish for me to share my problems with them. I really do.. but I get freakingly irritated when these so-called concerned people themselves GET UPSET because I do NOT wish to share my pain!! Who's the one with the problem here? Can't someone get her own rightly deserved privacy here? What nonsense is this!?!
....................... Love,
Lady under the Invisibility Cloak*
